How NOT to Cook Butternut Squash

A couple days ago I tried to make a butternut squash and leek pasta sauce.

*Disclaimer* I have never touched an uncooked butternut squash in my life before this attempt (or a leek, but that's another story).

It began when I went to the store to buy my butternut squash. There was a whole pile of different kinds of squash. I could have chosen the wrong squash, but I didn't. 100 points for Gryffindor!

What I did do, however, was not read the recipe more carefully. I should have bought a prepeeled, presliced squash. That would have saved me from a whole lot of trouble, but I didn't. Who knew such a thing existed in stores? Not me.

I got it in my head that I could make my own peeled, sliced, squash.

Lesson #1: Do not try to peel your squash with a potato peeler.

Bad idea. I had no idea the skin was so deep.

After I sort of peeled the squash, I came to the harsh realization that in order to slice the squash into squares like the picture in the recipe, you have to be a world class weight lifter or someone equally as strong.

So I thought that I would be smart and partway cook the squash in the microwave to make it softer. With my super strenth, I sliced the stubborn squash in half and put it in a casserole dish with water and stuck it in my trusty microwave.

Caution: squash is hot after it cooks.

Result of the half cooked squash? That brings us to

Lesson #2: A half cooked squash is still super hard to cut, but it is also even more slippery due to cooked squash juice. Fail.

And

Lesson #3: Do not...and I repeat, do not attempt to cut a half-cooked, semi-peeled squash with dull kitchen knives like I did. After discarding 3 knives, I finally got a long, serrated kitchen knife and started sawing the thing.

I probably should have quit when I accidentally caught my thumb with the knife. Ouch Charlie.

BUT I DIDN'T! I was like the little engine that could.

After several minutes of subpar sawing and much complaining, my husband took the knife from me, distanced me from my enemy, and sawed through the dang squash like it was wood. I was afraid he was going to cut his thumb off the whole time.

Then, I boiled it.

When it was soft, I shoved the squash pieces into my blender (Lesson #4: use food processor instead) and pressed the on button.

*Cue Jackson running in in excitement, grabbing a spoon, and begging to be put on the counter*

Yes, my child thought it was a delicious smoothie. He was in for a big disappointment.

The stubborn squash clogged my blender, and required extra love and care for it to liquify.

I finally added leeks and seasonings, put it on my pasta, and after much blood, work, and Jackson's tears (just kidding, he didn't cry) I took a bite, ready to savor my hardwork...until I came to the harsh realization that I had forgotten one important detail.

Lesson #5: I don't like squash.